A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible.
The little girl said, ‘When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah’.
The teacher asked, ‘What if Jonah went to hell?’
The little girl replied, ‘Then you ask him’.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they
were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the
The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’
The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied,
‘They will in a minute.’
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds.
After explaining the commandment to ‘honour’ thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, ‘Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?’
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, ‘Thou shall not kill.’
One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head.
She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, ‘Why are some of your hairs white, Mum?’
Her mother replied, ‘Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.’
The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said,
‘Mummy, how come ALL of grandma’s hairs are white?’
The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to
persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture.
‘Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and
say, ‘There’s Jennifer, she’s a lawyer,’ or ‘That’s Michael, He’s a doctor.’
A small voice at the back of the room rang out, ‘And there’s the teacher,
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, ‘Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.’
‘Yes,’ the class said.
‘Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn’t run into my feet?’
A little fellow shouted, ‘Cause your feet ain’t empty.’
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school
for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples.
The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray:
‘Take only ONE . God is watching.’
Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies.
A child had written a note, ‘Take all you want. God is watching the apples.’
Man v Woman humor
Philosophy of Man never made more sense
If a Man speaks in the forest, and there is no woman to hear… is he still wrong? Pondering minds want to know… or do they?
Of course if the same man farts in the woods, and this guy has a malfunctioning sniffer, does it smell? Loved this funny meme / picture / sign the second I stumbled across it. When in doubt guys, always remember to admit you are wrong. Happy wife, happy life, right? Be a real man, and cower to the ladies! There is no shame in keeping the gals happy via humbleness and humility.
Parody of the famous, and way over-used saying…
FROM WIKI “If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?” is a philosophical thought experiment that raises questions regarding observation and knowledge of reality.
Philosopher George Berkeley, in his work, A Treatise Concerning the Principles of Human Knowledge (1710), proposes, “But, say you, surely there is nothing easier than for me to imagine trees, for instance, in a park […] and nobody by to perceive them. […] The objects of sense exist only when they are perceived; the trees therefore are in the garden […] no longer than while there is somebody by to perceive them.” (It is worth noting that the quote from section 45 is arguably a statement of an objection to Berkeley’s view, and not a proclamation of it.) Nevertheless, Berkeley never actually wrote about the question.
I personally find it very arrogant of man, any man, to say something exists only if someone perceives it through one of the senses. Things exist long before we are aware.
Perfect mug for any husband
Hold your wife’s hand
in the mall because if you let go, she’ll start shopping.
It looks romantic
But it’s actually
Funny Meme: Star Wars v Science
Funny scene with Bill Hader and Charles Barkley
Who said sports stars can’t be funny. Paired with funny man, Bill Hader, you can’t go wrong! Although Star Wars Geeks may go crazy with his answer in this Saturday Night Live sketch…
Follow ABSENT MINDED COMEDY on Twitter @abmindedcomedy